


Hope and Despair and Hope Again

by likethenight



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 11:39:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6078000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likethenight/pseuds/likethenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>General Leia Organa does not show her grief to her people. They need her strength and she is determined that they will not see her cry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hope and Despair and Hope Again

General Leia Organa does not show her grief for her husband to her people. She feels his death through the Force, feels it tearing through her from the connection she still shares with her estranged son; she feels the tension between them and the long-drawn-out moment on the edge of the knife when the situation could have gone either way, when Ben could have broken free of his conditioning and come back to the side of light. But Snoke’s evil influence over her son proved too strong and Leia feels the moment of Han’s murder as though Ben’s lightsaber is cutting straight through her as well as through Han. It takes all the strength she possesses not to crumple over the control console and weep like a child. But Leia Organa has done this before, she has stood in front of the physical embodiment of the Dark Side and watched as her childhood home and everyone she had ever loved exploded and boiled away into nothingness. She did not show her devastation then, and she does not show it now. Her people need their leader now as never before and she will not let them down, even as the bleak despair rolls through her, the aching emptiness in the centre of her heart and the knowledge that this may be one step too far into the Dark Side for her Ben ever to return to her again.

She remains at her command post as the battle rages to disable Starkiller Base, and she watches on the holoscreens and listens in on the comm channels as the reports come in from her fighter pilots that they have done all they could but the planet still remains. And then there is the distant, crackling sound of an explosion and Dameron’s distinctive whoop, and the command centre erupts in cheers as the tension dissipates and everyone can finally let off steam. Leia takes advantage of the chaos to absent herself, evading C-3PO’s attentions and locking herself into her quarters to allow herself just a few moments alone with her grief. She has lost so many over the course of her life, she has lost Han over and over again, but never so truly finally as this time. She always knew he would come back eventually, because he always did, before, no matter how long he was away. But this time he is gone for good and as with her family and friends and all the people of Alderaan, she does not have a body to burn or to bury; this she already knows, for she felt him fall, and then the planet exploded. Her husband is lost to her for ever, and wrapped up in that loss is the loss of her son. Leia has always nursed a faint flame of hope in her heart that Ben would see the error of his ways, that he would shake himself free of Snoke’s foul influence and come home, but now she has felt his uncertainty and his fear and his resolve as he pushed himself to do the one thing that he believes will bind him fully to the Dark Side. Now she has felt just how insidious and all-consuming Snoke’s lies have been, twisting around her son in a choke-hold too strong for him to break. She has felt the emptiness at the heart of him, and she doesn’t think she will ever see him again except across a battlefield. 

And Leia reaches inside herself to do something that she never thought she would do, no matter what happened; not even after the massacre at her brother’s Jedi academy. She closes her eyes and firmly, consciously, shuts off the Force connection with her son. She doesn’t know if it will hold, she has not had the training that Luke has, and she never wanted it, mistrusting the Jedi and preferring to use her instinct in her dealings with the Force; but it will do for now. For now, she cannot bear to have any contact with her son. She doesn’t know if he’s ever sensed the connection with her, since he ran away to the Dark Side, or if perhaps he’s been blocking it out, but she has never closed off her own sensitivity to him, wanting him to know he can come home to her. Perhaps now is the best time to try to reach him, but Leia is not quite that strong. Maybe later. Or maybe it is time for her to let go. She cannot decide. 

And then there comes an announcement crackling across the tannoy, the X-wings and the Millennium Falcon are on their way in, they’ve just winked out of hyperspace and onto the screens, and the General needs to go and welcome her troops home. She pulls herself together and shuts away the questions clamouring in the back of her mind - if Ben believes he has killed all the light inside himself, is that enough? Even if there is still light in there, is the mere fact that he believes it is gone enough to place him firmly beyond his mother’s reach for ever? - and checks her reflection in the mirror, tucking her hair back into place and wiping her eyes. Her people need their General to be strong, and she is determined that they will not see her cry.

The X-Wings come in first, landing quickly and spilling their pilots and droids onto the hardstanding, and ordinarily Leia would stop to greet them, one or two words for each pilot to show them that she is glad that they are home safe and thankful for the work they have done. But not today. Today she is drawn straight to the Millennium Falcon, that old familiar shape just setting down at the end of the row of X-Wing fighters. After a moment the entry ramp lowers and Chewbacca emerges, with the young ex-stormtrooper Finn unconscious in his arms; they catch each other’s eyes over the still form of the young man, but they do not speak. Later. There will be time enough for them to mourn Han together when Finn has been taken care of and the pilots have been debriefed. 

Behind Chewbacca comes a young woman, tall and slender with a staff on a strap slung across her back, her hair caught up in three practical knots on the back of her head, and Leia’s heart almost stops in her chest, for the girl’s face is so familiar, almost as familiar as her own. The girl is glancing around her at this strange new planet, her eyes drinking everything in, but when her gaze rests on Leia she stops in her tracks for a moment. There is no recognition in her eyes beyond a hint of ‘oh, so this must be the General Finn talked about’, but her Force presence is as loud as a scream and Leia knows exactly who she is. It’s like being in the presence of Obi-Wan or of Luke again, it’s a feeling both terrible and wonderful all at once; Leia can feel the girl’s confusion and her devastation at the loss of Han - she was there, she saw it, she saw him fall, Leia can feel it - and she steps forward to wrap the newcomer up in a hug. She couldn’t have done this with Chewie at this moment, not without breaking down completely, but she can do it for this young woman. She can give comfort, and in the giving, find herself comforted too. There will be a time for explanations, for preparations, for journeys and for mourning, but that will all come later. For now, for Leia, it is enough to hold this young woman close to her, this girl she had thought for years she would never see again.

There is a jolt between them as the girl - Rey - realises that she can feel Leia’s presence through the Force, and she steps back just a little, with a bewildered look on her face; she has no idea what she is sensing, Leia can tell. 

“Later,” she says with a warm smile and only the slightest catch in her voice, despite the tears in her eyes. “I’ll tell you later.”

“All right,” Rey says, and then “Finn! Finn, I have to -“

“He’s in the best hands he could be in,” Leia says, but she lets Rey go, lets her run over to the truck that’s about to take Finn off to the medbay, watches as she almost collides with Poe Dameron, shock and fear written clearly all over his face. Hmmm, she thinks, interesting. Well, if something good can come of all this, then perhaps it’s a sign that there is still hope for balance in the Force. Perhaps there is still hope after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I am rather in love with the idea that Rey may be Leia and Han's daughter - but who knows, quite frankly, and so I've kept this one ambiguous. But I can't help thinking that Leia knows who Rey is, when she steps off the Falcon, because why else would she hug her like that, when they've ostensibly never met before? I need Episode VIII right now, please.


End file.
